Unsigned cheques & strikes. Whatever next at Ryanair

After hearing the latest publicity disaster from Ryanair, it struck me just how much passengers are prepared to put up with all this nonsense as long as they can still get a cheap flight.
I'm not convinced there is any other sector where such a disliked and unresponsive business could survive. Yet, unbelievably, Ryanair continues to dominate our skies.
There was a glimmer of hope a couple of years back when boss Michael O'Leary appointed a new senior team and pledged the company was changing to become more "customer focussed."  Not because it was proud to do so, but because it was "facing strong competition and had to up its game accordingly."
So, we all benefited from a more responsive website making it much simpler to book flights and a more customer-oriented airport experience. But it was not from choice but simply a grudging byproduct of fighting off competition from other low-cost carriers.
As far as I am concerned, sending out unsigned compensation cheques is scraping right at the bottom of the pond. What an insult to the customers who qualified for compensation in the first place and then had to pay out bank charges on the returned cheques.
The company mantra is "unfortunate clerical errors" caused this latest PR blunder but seriously, it just goes to show what a dog and pony show Ryanair is turning into.
Despite aircrew strikes, cancelled flights and unsigned cheques we continue to book flights. Why? Because despite the hassle, the terrible flight times, the baggage restrictions and that bloody trumpet when a flight arrives on time, we just want to get where we are going to for the lowest price possible.

While we still want to do this, Ryanair will continue to flourish. God help us.

UK flights resume to Tunisia

The news that Thomas Cook has resumed flights to Tunisia once more is a welcome move as far as I am concerned.

Tunisia is a beautiful country that has struggled economically with the abscence of tourism to its wonderful resorts. Clearly, it has had a harsh wake up call and overhauled its security procedures to ensure it maximises tourist safety.
Sadly, we are living in a world where global terror strikes indiscriminately whether it be London, Amsterdam or a Tunisian beach
.
We simply cannot be expected to lock ourselves indoors for the rest of our lives and it would be a tragic waste of time to try to attempt to second-guess a potential terrorist attack.

Therefore we need to live our lives in the fullest sense of the word and travel wherever and whenever we want to.

I for one, can't wait to return to Tunisia. It's been far too long.

Jet2. Stupid rules ruin a great service.

I flew with Jet2 last week to Faro and it was in the most part a delightful experience. A baggage allowance of 23K was gratefully received. Check-in was verging on business class compared to other low cost airlines, and the cabin crew were delightful.
With so much going in the right direction, why spoil the party with a petty rule. A rule even the cabin crew cannot fathom.
it can't have slipped the Jet2 high command's attention that the rule for mobile device use on take off and landing was changed some time ago.
There is now no longer any need for people with readers and tablets to have to turn their devices off as long as wifi is not switched on or the devices are in flight mode.
Yet there I was, minding my own business and enjoying a movie on my tablet when I was told to refrain from using it until the seat belt signs were turned off after take-off.
"You know the rules have changed don't you?"
"Oh yes sir but, but this is a Jet2 rule."
"A Jet2 rule. Why?"
"Don't ask me. We just do what we're told."
So there we have it. An airline with so much going for it losing brownie points because of some petty bureaucracy.

Oh and that very annoying Jess Glynne song on endless loop.

Why look like a tourist.

This is quite baffling. Why is it so many people revel, no let me rephrase that, positively embrace looking like a tourist?

It’s like a complete transformation, seemingly overnight as the airport run approaches. One minute he might lead a respectable life in middle class suburbia, or perhaps she holds a management position in local government, or it’s a man with a van doing an honest day’s trade as a plumber, electrician or painter decorator.

Next minute, he gets the garish floral shirt out with mid calf long shorts, a straw hat and god forbid, sandals with socks. She on the other hand plucks the tiniest shorts known to man and a skimpy top regardless of shape or size. “This way up” ink is proudly displayed and a full English is de rigueur at the airport restaurant.

It seems there is no shame in proudly telling all and sundry we are on holiday now and that’s all that matters.

 This is all well and good while our featured humans are still at the airport. Fast forward a few hours to some far off land, anywhere with a capital city or a beach and I can hear the sound of local hands rubbing together in anticipated glee. The chink of excessive euros tumbling into filling coffers. The ominous whiff of rip off permeating the air. No amount of badly phrased local lingo will save our featured friends from a fleecing.

And it’s all because they look just like a tourist.

When you spot a local, is it because of the garish floral shirt and socked sandals, or is it because he or she is sitting in a cafe sipping an espresso or aperol with a sweater casually draped around shoulders.

I remember fearing the worst when sitting in a local whitewashed taverna in a Cretan village I heard “any chance of doin’ us a Sunday roast mate?” quickly followed by “which channel is the footie on?”

With a sinking heart I decided to move on.

This may well sound elitist and snobby but seriously, I’m not picking class distinction here. There are plenty of cultured people who simply lack the ability to dress in anything other than “tourist trashy”

Back in the days of football hooligans, even the foreign visiting teams hooligans looked classy. At least they dressed well before breaking a few noses.

Iceland v Iceland

It was not without a small amount of amusement I learned about the potential law suit Iceland (the country) was considering bringing on Iceland (the retailer).
It seems Iceland (the country) is feeling hard done by because it cannot register any more internet names or addresses as Iceland (the retailer) has nabbed them all.
You could argue that Iceland (the retailer) has simply been quicker off the online mark and quite rightly protected its online footprint.
On the other hand, I do have a little sympathy for Iceland (the country) as they had the name first, and in all senses of the word, it does rather signify the term frozen.
It is an interesting legal challenge as Iceland (the country) presumably has no legal standing in the UK or Europe.

It is indeed a cold war.

Lost in translation?

Perhaps it's my sense of humour, but I always find issues in restaurants through waiting staff misunderstanding my request hilarious rather than irritating.

And it happens frequently, even in high end restaurants. You can always apportion blame to poor management and training, or instead, just put it down to our basic human failings.

We all try to listen, but nine times out of ten we don't hear. Instead, we plough on hastily thinking we know the answers.

I had another comical moment in the restaurant of a well regarded four star country hotel which serves a dinner menu for a fixed price.
It went something like this:

Waiter: "Here is your fresh oven baked bread sir. is everything OK?"
Andy: "All good thanks. May I have some olive oil please?"
Waiter: "Of course sir. You know there is a charge for that?"
Andy:  "Really? That's unusual. Must be very good then so let's try some."

The head waiter approaches after 5 minutes to tell me:

"We are just getting your order from the bar."

Andy: " Thanks. Just out of curiosity, do you have some very special hand made olive oil?"

Head Waiter: "Not sure sir, I have only been here for three days, but I can check. Why do you ask?"
Andy: "Well, I just requested some some olive oil and was told I would have to be charged extra for it."

At this point, my original waiter materialises with a bowl of olives and proudly places them in the centre of the table.

"Your olives sir.I do hope you enjoy them."

Andy: "Thank you but I actually ordered olive oil. For the bread?"

At which point the head waiter and the waiter look at me, and then at each other and rather sheepishly move aside for a short discussion.

Of course, it all turns out well in the end. I get a lot of apologies from both waiters and we all have a giggle about it.

Anyone have any funny restaurant stories they would like to share?

French Cheese anyone?

On a recent trip to the USA I had an amusing experience at a very fancy resort hotel. This was, it must be said, one of the very best resorts in the country and i was enjoying my stay there immensely.

I had arrived for breakfast, and instead of the usual very tasty American fare, I asked my lovely server for some cheese.

"Do you have any nice cheeses?" I asked in my politest voice.

"Sure Mr. Mossack" she replied, "Let me go check for you."

She returned a few moments later with some slices of processed burger cheese. Not quite what I had imagined she would return with.

"Thanks, but I was hoping for something a little more substantial, perhaps something European maybe?:"

She dutifully retreated to the kitchen and returned after some time....

"Well I found something French for you, it is called a Bry I think."

Not wanting to douse her enthusiasm with correct spellings or pronunciation, I got the gist and looked very happy.

"But I also found this one too. I am not sure where it comes from but it is called Cam and Bert."

It was at this point that I lost it.

I realise I should have used more restraint, but I couldn't help myself.

"Cam and Bert it is then."

I had mental images of French dairy farmers running for a ropes to hang themselves with.

God bless America.