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Monday, 5 June 2017

Why look like a tourist.



This is quite baffling. Why is it so many people revel, no let me rephrase that, positively embrace looking like a tourist?
It’s like a complete transformation, seemingly overnight as the airport run approaches. One minute he might lead a respectable life in middle class suburbia, or perhaps she holds a management position in local government, or it’s a man with a van doing an honest day’s trade as a plumber, electrician or painter decorator.
Next minute, he gets the garish floral shirt out with mid calf long shorts, a straw hat and god forbid, sandals with socks. She on the other hand plucks the tiniest shorts known to man and a skimpy top regardless of shape or size. “This way up” ink is proudly displayed and a full English is de rigueur at the airport restaurant.
It seems there is no shame in proudly telling all and sundry we are on holiday now and that’s all that matters.
 This is all well and good while our featured humans are still at the airport. Fast forward a few hours to some far off land, anywhere with a capital city or a beach and I can hear the sound of local hands rubbing together in anticipated glee. The chink of excessive euros tumbling into filling coffers. The ominous whiff of rip off permeating the air. No amount of badly phrased local lingo will save our featured friends from a fleecing.
And it’s all because they look just like a tourist.
When you spot a local, is it because of the garish floral shirt and socked sandals, or is it because he or she is sitting in a cafe sipping an espresso or aperol with a sweater casually draped around shoulders.
I remember fearing the worst when sitting in a local whitewashed taverna in a Cretan village I heard “any chance of doin’ us a Sunday roast mate?” quickly followed by “which channel is the footie on?”
With a sinking heart I decided to move on.
This may well sound elitist and snobby but seriously, I’m not picking class distinction here. There are plenty of cultured people who simply lack the ability to dress in anything other than “tourist trashy”

Back in the days of football hooligans, even the foreign visiting teams hooligans looked classy. At least they dressed well before breaking a few noses.

Tuesday, 24 January 2017

Iceland v Iceland



It was not without a small amount of amusement I learned about the potential law suit Iceland (the country) was considering bringing on Iceland (the retailer).
It seems Iceland (the country) is feeling hard done by because it cannot register any more internet names or addresses as Iceland (the retailer) has nabbed them all.
You could argue that Iceland (the retailer) has simply been quicker off the online mark and quite rightly protected its online footprint.
On the other hand, I do have a little sympathy for Iceland (the country) as they had the name first, and in all senses of the word, it does rather signify the term frozen.
It is an interesting legal challenge as Iceland (the country) presumably has no legal standing in the UK or Europe.

It is indeed a cold war.