Thursday, 20 August 2015
Hearing the news of a restaurant charging its customers £24 per bottle for 'iceberg water' I am thinking the world has finally gone bonkers. Who is kidding who here. Are there really people out there who are so terribly desperate to impress they are happy to be royally ripped off by anyone claiming to offer the latest elixir of life.
Whether iceberg water really does contain exceptional properties or not isn't really the issue. I mean, putting to one side for a minute the question of whether this is morally correct anyway because I am not happy with the thought of somebody actively chipping away at a natural iceberg simply to harvest the water for a posh meal.
No, for me the real issue is working out who is the con artist and who is the mark in all this. Who starts the ball running. Is it the media, the harvester, the vendor or the end user. I get the commercial part, obviously. If anyone can see there is a healthy profit to be made by peddling something legal that there is a market for, then good luck to them.
It's a dog eat dog world.
I can list many things that fit this bracket - fashion victims for a start. Think about it. Paying top dollar for ripped jeans (sorry stressed jeans), baseball caps with 'genuine' stickers on them, two piece swim suits that don't match. The list is endless. These are all created by manufacturers who simply have a lot of surplus stock to move. And we all fall for it.
Water is the new black clearly. It is true overseas people drink bottled water all the time, simply because in most cases their over chlorinated tap water tastes awful. But here in the UK tap water is no different to any other water nutritionally. Yes, mineral water by definition contains minerals so what. The water table of our planet has not changed since it was created, it just gets dispersed in different ways. We are in effect drinking the same water Abraham drunk or the dinosaurs for that matter.
Let us please get back on track. Forgo the latest drinking fad and just stick to tap water. You know it makes sense.
By the way, I have a crate of Asteroid Moisture to sell. Just £300 a bottle. It's out of this world.
Monday, 13 July 2015
Let me paint a picture for you.
Just landed at Glasgow airport ahead of a much anticipated road trip along the west coast and I made way to the Hertz counter to collect my pre-ordered rental car.
Nothing strange so far then.
A warm friendly greeting and a smile. I smile and hand over my pre-ordered rental coupon.
Another smile. A few keys tapped. Car in the system. Good to go.
Err, not quite.
"Sorry sir, you are a little early, your car is still getting washed. Can you grab a coffee and come back and see me in half an hour?"
These things happen, and I did land early, so a coffee calls.
Suitably caffeined I return as re quested and receive yet another smile.
Keys tapped. Phone call made.
" Nearly ready sir" I'm told. "Shall we do the paperwork while we're waiting?"
I smile back.
"Can I have your driving licence please."
I am armed and ready with my plastic licence and hand it over.
The smile waivers a tad.
"And your code from the DVLA please?"
"err. Code? I booked the car online and printed out the coupon."
"Yes Mr Mossack, that's for the car, you now need a code from the DVLA as the paper part of your licence is no longer needed. This only came into effect today."
A looming dread slowly approaches my calm exterior. Thoughts of my pleasant drive along Scotland's rugged west coast are evaporating.
I come clean. "I don't have one of those sorry."
The smile has been replaced with pity.
"Yes it is a little confusing. This hasn't been handled very well. All our customers have had the same problem today."
Great. I have other miserable companions.
I try a smile. The one usually reserved for my room upgrade requests at hotel check ins.
"Is there a way around this, after all there was nothing on your website to warn me about this."
Her smile returns triumphantly.
"Yes sir, we can call the DVLA for you."
"Excellent, let's do that then"
"There will however be an additional charge for that sir."
And there it is.
A small change in admin from the DVLA and a new revenue stream is suddenly created.
We have dispensed with a stupid paper version of a licence that got torn and lost to another piece of paper that will get torn and lost. Or alternatively, providing car hire companies with a revenue stream which hereto was not an option.
Now where is the sense in all this.
I applaud the demise of the paper version of our driving licence. Good riddance. But please let us have a better solution for car hire. Printing out codes? I'd rather print out a smile.
Sunday, 12 April 2015
I have been on a few trips to the USA recently, and the experience prompted me to flag up the stupendously average quality of US business class lounges.
They are always busy, I'll grant you that; and there is no shortage of customers desperately trying to gain access through one type of card or another only to be triumphantly turned away by smug receptionists.
My issue is simply that compared to the rest of the world, US business lounges are way down the pecking order when it comes to food and amenities.
And my question is why?
America has always been the home of customer service (albeit shameless and shallow) so why are the airport business lounges so bad.
They are in the main, soulless places, with practically no form of human interaction.
Servers tend to be disinterested, bored or both and there is precious little in the way of food, generally just processed snacks of cheese (red or yellow), crackers and jars of chemically infused nibbles washed down with stale coffee from flasks.
So, apart from admittedly well stocked bars, free internet and some peace and quiet, there ain't a lot to shout about.
Compare this with the Far East, or Europe and the difference is marked. In many cases there are either a la carte menus or a number of freshly produced dishes, perhaps showers or massage or even (drum roll) a hairdressing service and nail spa. The environments tend to welcoming and positive with attentive staff who try at least to make your short stay pleasurable. Unless as was the case during a recent visit to Istanbul when a Siberian snow storm put the airport in lock down and I was stranded there for over 14 hours, but that as they say is quite another story.
Come on USA pull your finger out and provide much better business lounge facilities for your tired and stressed executive passengers. Or, perhaps its all a plot to make the plane experience feel a lot better than it really is?
Thursday, 5 February 2015
I support “DO Elephants Go To Heaven?” because future generations deserve a world with elephants. Dream Out Loud Films is headed to Africa to film the story of the baby elephants kidnapped in Zimbabwe facing a miserable life in captivity China. We will hear from the elephants about their love for the herd and the daily struggle to maintain these bonds against all odds. Support the project on Kickstarter and join our herd: http://kck.st/1zCDNLB
- Unless humans change their hearts, minds and actions, elephants could be extinct by 2025, only ten years away. Dream Out Loud Films believe that in showing the world the plight of elephants – from the elephants’ perspectives as interpreted by animal communicators - humans will be compelled by empathy to act. Support their upcoming film, “DO Elephants Go To Heaven?” http://kck.st/1zCDNLB
Monday, 1 December 2014
With the news that one of Britain's most loathed taxes is 20 years old this week it got me thinking about just how much this loathsome tax costs everyday people.
A family of four flying to a destination outside Europe will pay £284 in tax, compared with just £40 when the levy was introduced on November 1, 1994.
That seven-fold increase in APD has taken place while inflation has not even doubled over the same period.
APD, which is the highest aviation tax imposed anywhere in the world, has also hugely outstripped other UK taxes such as petrol duty, road tax, duties on alcohol and insurance premiums over the last two decades. Annual Treasury revenue from APD is now nearly ten times as much as in the tax's first full year. In total, air passengers in the UK have paid more than £26 billion in APD since 1994.
Even on short-haul flights, APD has become a big proportion of the ticket price. The £26 APD payable per person on a return flight within the UK is frequently at least a quarter of the total fare.
According to City analysts PwC, abolition of APD would boost Britain's economic growth by 0.5 per cent within a year and lead to the creation of 60,000 new jobs without reducing the Treasury's net revenues. Now that really is something the government should ponder.
Monday, 1 September 2014
This is a series so clearly staged it's embarrassing. Are we really expected to believe Gordon's seemingly astonished looks when given some new dramatic information, trying to make us believe this is the first time he has heard it? Are we really to believe in the matter of a two day stay a hotel's business woes can be literally swept away, rooms renovated and entire menus transformed.
He might be good, but he's not that good.
And do we really need to be subjected to his naked rear in a shower, or see him disrobing to swim wear for a swim he was never intending to have as we all saw the state of the pool. I even chuckled at his quick stomach tuck in as he took off his towelling robe.
This is a hotel series which is simply abject hell to watch.
Wednesday, 23 July 2014
It poses an interesting conundrum simply because of how Google handles search results.
In the case of the food journalist, her headline was the culprit; it was about an Italian restaurant called Il Giardino and the headline ran "The place to avoid in Cap-Ferrat. Il Giardino." It seems Google placed it very high under Cap-Ferrat searches and caused business at the restaurant to plummet. it didn't help of course that she called the boss a "diva" which under French libel law is an insult.
Nevertheless, under normal circumstances any review has to be simply seen as a personal opinion, however Google has become so intrinsic to finding information online, it is quite possible for something like this to happen over and over again.
So what do we do? Should we include large swathes of legalise at the bottom of each review? Should we all take legal advice before publishing anything? How about filling the review with middle of the road non confrontational phrases?
And why stop at food reviews, the same goes for hotels, films and shows. Could we get sued by a hotel interior designer because we didn't like the decor?